"back in the US(S)A(R)"

So here I am sitting at my parents home in the USA.  I have been stateside for all of 5 days and am getting ready to travel to Seattle to see my sister's family next week for about 6 weeks.   I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about my blog; if I'll keep posting or not.  I went to my old workplace Friday night and surprised all my friends there and that was very nice!  I even had an Atlanta Dream (WNBA) player come up to where I was (after my friends made a commotion upon seeing me) and shake my hand while thanking me for my service.  That was pretty neat.  Then on Sunday I went to church and surprised everyone there.  It's so nice to see everyone's reactions when they realize it's me!  It feels different being back here.  For one thing I'm between houses which is one of the reasons I feel like I'm in limbo.  I feel kinda like I'm floating; not really doing anything.  I can't help but think how different things are now from only a month ago and how quickly I'm going back to the "old" routine of just doing because that's how it's done here and how much it seems like I just take things for granted just because.   I don't mean to but when things are done a certin way that's how they are done.  This probably makes no sense.  Anyway, I'm trying to get everything pretty much squared away before next Tuesday.  The driving came back no problem but of course that was just an errand close to home; we'll see when I have to go on the highway or even downtown!  For now love and hugs from me!

life after

I'll go more in depth later.  We are in Istanbul now and I can't believe how big it is!  Taxi's everywhere!  Coming from a small town in B  withou a taxi...that's different  for me!  Sunday morning was hard since I was leaving the life and people I had known for 2 years!!  I want to leave to see my family in the states but I don't want to leave all my neighbors and friends in B. behind.  I'm trying to use some Turkish here and recognize some words.  We decided to stay in the room today and not take a tour to save mom's hips and relax befoer the craziness begins!  We walked around a little and went to some little shops and got stuff for lunch.  There are so many thoughts running through my head now and my thoughts go back to my B home and how everything I'm doing now my community where I lived wouldn't be doing.  More later!  Love and hugs from mom and I!

"leaving on a jet plane"

So I'm thinking this might be the last blog in B.  Of course that could change.  My mom is coming on Friday (can't wait) and we are traveling for a couple of weeks in the Greek Islands, Istanbul, and Greece itself I think.  I will try and blog during our travels but just not sure how that will go; I may be using facebook more.  I'm trying to plan gosti's while mom is here and looking forward to showing her around what has been my home (and always will be in spirit) and introducing her to the people who have taken care of, fed, loved, supported me, and so much more over the past 2 years!!  As of right now her bed is a mess (one of them anyway) with stuff to go in luggage.  It hasn't hit me yet that I'm leaving and won't be back for what I'm thinking will be quite a while; a ticket over here is expensive!  I'm not sure when it will hit me, but women and used to crying for no reason and at the drop of a hat.  All the other times I thought I would cry when saying goodbye and such I got tears in my eyes but that's pretty much where they stayed.  I'm thinking when we actually leave, are standing at the bus stop with people from my Glodzhevo waiting to get on the bus, I will cry saying goodbye to them.  But who knows!  It's sad and, yes, there are other ways to show saddness.  Maybe like I said before it hasn't really hit me yet; I've left and come back many times in these 2 years.  Well we'll see!!  Love and hugs from me!!

the people "behind the scenes"

  Tomorrow I leave for Kubrat to get on a bus at 3 am on Thursday to go to Sofia for the last time!  WOW!  I just heard what I wrote.  I had always known that this will be the final time in S; what I didn't think about was that part of this last trip to Sofia (not my favorite place lets be honest-it's a big city and I like small/smaller places) is the last time I will see all the staff who have been with me for 27 months.  Some have left already but most are still there.  Now that I think about it that makes me sad.   I thought about the volunteer friends I will be saying goodbye (for awhile at least) to but I never thought about saying goodbye to the staff.  While I'm on the subject let me just say a big thank you to our staff, both B and A.  Every volunteer has a different story and experience but I have to say the staff here is top notch!!  From the (relatively new) Country Director, who came at our midservice conference, to the drivers who know the way to each one of the volunteers' sites (at one time there has probably been pretty darn near 200 here) AND how to navigate B'ian traffic-no small task!  To a person our staff isn't just "staff."  If something happens and I need to talk I know I can call ANY ONE OF THEM, not just program staff if it's related to youth development or the SSC if it's an issue of security.  I have never been afraid.  Of course that's partly because I'm in a small town but it also has to do with how informed Dilyana keeps us on issues of security, safety issues that affect us/me.  We are able to do our "jobs" because they do theirs so well, spored men (in my opinion).   So (I just decided I'm going to make this a seperate blog for the staff) to all my friends at the Peace Corps office (there are so many and I can't name them all) but from the bottom of my heart-THANK YOU!!  I would write that in B'ian too but my sheet of the B'ian keyboard is packed somewhere and I'm too lazy to do the google keyboard thing!  YOU helped make my experience a great one!   I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world in your future endeavors!  Ha zjev i strav!  Vsi4ko hubavo i 4esta be6e moq!  Life and health!  All the best and the honor was mine!  Love and hugs from me!

homeward bound!

Way back in May 2010 when I was getting ready to come to B the Peace Corps allowed us 2 checked bags weighing a total of 100 pounds, a carryon and a personal item, like most flights.  My sister and her husband are members of a camping/outdoorsy store and got me a 33 liter backpack that was my carryon and I used a beach bag stuffed with odds and ends for my 27 months as my personal item.  Needless to say I've accumulated much more over the 27 months; some I can give away (like some clothes) and some I plan on keeping (like the birthday gifts I got from the teachers at the English school and others).  Getting it all home will be a chore and I know I will have to pay a baggage fee; that's just going to be a fact and I'm ok with that.  However I have been sending some stuff home (hense the homeward bound) little by little to (hopefully) lighten my load a little.  The post office here will ship a 2 kg. package for me.  I know what you're thinking, "2 kg!  You can hardly fit anything in a 2 kg package!"  You are right, but it's cheaper and much more convient!   So I've been using my scale to very carefully get to the 2 kg. limit before I go to the post office.  This morning I had a package all ready to go and it even was a tad under 2 kg. so I headed to the post office ONLY for their scale (the one that matters) to tell me it was over the limit!  Today is the day to pay electricity and that is done at the post office, so while the ladies were busy with taking money, I tried to repack my already carefully packed package.  With what I had in the package there was no way it was going to be 2 kg. so I ended up sending a 1.65 kg package.   Did I think of other things I could put in to make up the difference?  SURE DID, but they were in my apartment and I wanted to be done with that.  So far I've sent 3 packages home with a total of most of my gifts for family and that I have been given, a blanket that I bought here that served as excellent wrapping material, and some clothes that serve a dual purpose; clothes and wrapping material.  I think that's probably all I'll send but I'll have to wait and see.  Now I'm just hoping the Bulgarian and English words for "fragile" mean something to whoever handles my packages!  Every time I send something I have flashes of that computer/new tv/whatever that was being dropped over a fence when being delivered.  I know thev're just things but those "things" mean more to me than losing my bags!  Loe and hugs from me!

giving time!

Today it was my turn to send a package!!  I'm trying to condense everything I have and the stuff I have accumulated over the past 27 months and it's not all going to fit so I will be shipping some home.  Today I used the one of the boxes my mom sent with a Bible verse on it; I didn't know way back when how important all the boxes people have sent me would be!  I remember this package because it said "God is love" on the side of it and when I went to open it in the post office the lady asked me what it meant.  After I explained she asked "is that "good?"  I used the side of the box to write the word "good" under the word "God" so she could see how similar the 2 words are.  When I went in this morning she was telling the other lady "she had so many packages at Christmas!"  I may have to send some more, I'll just have to wait and see. Last summer I made some rainsticks with some of my students for a legacy project by the B26s with toilet paper rolls, nails, duct tape, and beans or watermelon seeds or popcorn seeds, or rice; small stuff like that.  I was down talking one night to my neighbors and told them what I was doing and Ivan gave me maybe about a foot long hollow cylinder and said "here, try using this!"  Well I had the PC in my head then and, remembering sustainability and "...teach a man to fish..." that has been drilled into our brains (and rightly so) made a mental note to save that project and do it WITH Ivan.  Flash forward to yesterday at about 11am.  I came back from taking some stuff to the Kindergarten with Neriman and her sister and saw Maria and Ivan sitting at their little table they have outside of their apartment building and thought "aha!"   I asked them if they were going to be there for awhile and when they said yes headed to my apartment for the nails, beans, the cylinder he had given me last summer, and a hammer (with toilet paper rolls I can push the nails in but the cylinder was a tad harder!).  I walked up to the table and started unloading my stuff and said "remember this from last summer?  We're going to make a rainstick!"  I had started another one in my apartment and just not finished so took that one down to work on as well.  After we were done I gave them all the nails I had purchased (you have to have different sizes so they sound different) and the beans we didn't use along with an exacto knife that has come in handy the past 2 years that is not coming to the states with me.  Yesterday Neriman and I gave the pre-school room in the Kindergarten the 3 puzzles that mom (I think) sent me, the BINGO game (complete with 16+ laminated boards) I made to use in the pre-school room (that they didn't get exactly but hey, English letters are English letters!), a set of 100 English laminated (I so loved that thing!) flashcards that the English students made complete with both the British and American English words and a pictures of an item, the Tiger mask and tail mom and Ron brought me 2 Octobers ago for Halloween (it had a bowtie but it got lost somewhere), and some colored cardstock/construction paper I didn't end up using.  The flashcards were something and I so hope they get used; the students had so much fun making them!  We ended up making 5.  2 sets of 100 (give or take) of the same laminated cards with both the American and British English words on one side and a picture of the item on the other went to the library here, 2 sets went to the 2 schools here, and the other went to the Kindrgarten.  Then, because the students had so much fun cuting out pictures and showing off their English knowledge, there were 2 random sets with about different 80 words (each set give or take)with both the picture and British/American English words that also went to the library here.  I also intend to take some of the books you sent me to the library.  now I just have to make an announcement saying that they are there!!  that's for today or next week!  other than that i'm stuffing things in plastic bags and in general de-cluttering my apartment!!  Love and hugs from me!!

now I've done everything!

Sorry about yesterday!  I went to Ruse to get some stuff taken care of and when I got back just forgot.  But now I can tell you that now I can leave Bulgaria!  I've accomplished nearly everything I set out to do and yesterday just put the icing on the cake!   I (almost) missed my bus.  I overslept a little that morning and because of that didn't have time for breakfast.  As some of you know if I travel a long way on an empty stomach (or don't take motion sickness medicine) I get sick.  The ride to Ruse is a little over an hour with a rest stop 10 minutes into the trip in a near city Vetovo.  I thought "I'll grab something in Vetovo and eat it on the bus; I can handle a 10-15 minute ride with no food."  Wouldn't you know that when we got to Vetovo and I ran off the bus to grab something (it's a 10 minute stop)  to eat the lady ordering in front of me had multiple orders.  I could see the bus through the window and JUST AS SHE HANDED ME MY SANDWICH I saw the bus pulling away!  I told myself that the buses don't move very fast and if I run, maybe I can catch up with it!  Turns out that there's an advantage to being an American (or probably any other nationality) in Bulgaria; people remember you!   As soon as the bus pulled away someone realized I wasn't on it and the bus pulled over.  I of course thanked the driver and the lady who takes the money a couple of different times.  Now I can add "almost missing the bus" to my list of accomplishments in Bulgaria!!  Well, the B26 group of 87 originally is down to 40.  My preparations for leaving were rudely interruped a couple days ago by a rash.  Turns out that when I thought to myself "what's the chance that this laundry soap will have the EXACT THING that I'm allergic to?" (ironically I found out I was allergic about a month before coming here)"  Turns out the chance is 100%!   So I had to rewash lots of clothes and have lots of mind over matter and tell myself "if you start itching you'll never stop so it's best not to start!"  People probably think I've developed this horrible skin desease!  It's been extremely hot and I just read where the whole of B declared a code orange because of the heat.  I don't quite think it's been as hot here as it has been there though; we sure could use the cool-down you are having in the states!  Love and hugs from me!

final party recap

I realized that I have not told you all how the final party went!  My bad!  We had a wonderful time and the only students who weren't there were the students who were absent from school.  The presentation that I put together (I did the easy part-choosing the pictures and songs!  the actual "putting together" was done by Ibrahim...and it didn't help things any that in the midst of all his hard work we lost power and lost a lot of his work) took it's time opening but once it did everyone enjoyed it!  I picked out about 200 pictures of my 27 months, where I have been, things I have done, and people sho have been with me from start to finish.  Then I picked out 5 songs (We are Family, I'm Still Standing, Wonderful World, You Rise Me Up, and My Country, My Bulgaria in that order) and Ibrahim made a power point presentaton out of them.  It really turned out very nice if I do say so myself!!  2 of the students then read a nice speech they had written to me that was very nice.  Then we danced like always.  A nice time was had all around!  One of the Ruse teachers even stayed with me so she could come!  That was nice!  The next day was the final day of school and my last day with half of the students (the ones not from Glodzhevo) and then today was my last day with some of the teachers.  When my mom comes we're planning on seeing my language tutor and Nargis but other than that, today was pretty much it.  Sad times.  As I was standing next to the minivan waiting for them to leave and saying my final " I wish you happiness..."'s they said "invite us to the wedding (no there is nothing I'm not telling you-no weddings for this lady on the horizon)!  It was kinda sad walking around the school where I spent so much time these last 2 years!  Az 6te bi lipsvam MNOGO!  Posjalavam mnogo yspeh, zdravi, lubov, i 6tastie!!  Be6e mnogo mi priqtno da posnavam i rabotq i sjivee s vas!  ot moqto curtze i S MNOGO obi4:  4ao zasiga.  obi4 i pregrudki ot men!  

thank goodness for mom!

So the English School totally surprised me today and this time I teared up quite a bit.  I say that because last week for graduation/the last day of school I gave a little speech.  I had prepared Veleava ahead of time, language tutor and awesome friend and person, that she might have to take over for me because I would be crying and not able to finish and since she was the person I practiced with I figured she would be a good person to take over for me.  All the students were there and well as the teachers and others affiliated with the school.  Knowing that last Friday would be the last time I saw half of the students before I leave (I'll leave it at that) I had plenty of tissues ready.  NOT A TEAR DURING MY SPEECH!  And from me no less, the woman who cries at the drop of a hat (maybe not the drop of a hat but I'm a crier)!  Of course AFTER the speech when thinking about leaving my awesome counterpart and my language tutor-THEN I got teary eyed.  So now I'm  in the midst of giving things away, wrapping up loose ends, giving little gifts, and generally preparing to move in...I don't even want to say it...after mom comes when Nargis calls me and says that I need to go to school.  I was planning on it anyway and told her I was on my way.  After I had been there maybe 20 minutes (?) the director came in, shook my hand, handed me a beautiful inscribed Amazing Bulgaria book and a tapastry, and started saying nice things about me.  Then it was my turn (Valeava said I did a good job with my B'ian and that I haven't forgotten; yea for me).  Then I got all choked up!!  All I can say is thank goodness mom will be here to help me (even if she says she'll be no help and crying along with me!) get on the bus when it comes time to go!  Goodbyes are seldom easy and this will be no exception!  Love and hugs from me.  I really going to try to keep blogging from here on out but depending on how hectic things become they may or may not happen!  OH!  I almost forgot!  Happy 4th!!

our final party

I'm sorry I didn't get around to blogging yesterday and I'll apologize ahead of time about not blogging tomorrow too!  We are in the middle of getting ready for a combination 4th of July/end of the school year/farewell party/celebration for me tomorrow night and things got crazy all of a sudden!  Yesterday I asked a student to help me with a power point presentation (I've never done one- I know you all are SHOCKED!) and in the middle of uploading my pictures to the presentation we lost power and lost everything we had done.  I should say everything HE had done, which was about 1/4 of what needed to be done and the easy part turns out which was good.  Same thing happened today but he saved more frequently so not a big loss.  Nargis and I also took a bunch of my stuff to the Jimea yesterday so it could be given to whoever needs it.  In the middle of planning (starting to really) this gathering tomorrow night I heard a rumor that only some of the students could come...and I got mad!  "This is my last party with the students and, darn it, I want everyone there!" was what I  was thinking.   Turns out I got all “in a tizzy” (that’s for you mom) for no reason and the mood that I caused myself to be in only set me back; hurt me!  That’s what I get for listening to rumors!  Nargis wants me to say something about the 4th tomorrow night and I think this time I’m going to IN BULGARIAN!  I figure if the students see me fumbling all over my words and making mistakes they might get more of the idea that mistakes aren’t bad, actually necessary and good most of the time!   I just thought about something!  I’m not even going to read over it more than once; I’ll just have to tell the teachrs to let me read and NOT to help me!  So that is tomorrow night and then Friday is the last day of school and my last day with the hostel students:(  Getting to major kleenex time here (lots of crying)!  Love and hugs!

(going) back home again!

Today's blog is for all my volunteer friends who are leaving today or tomorrow.  If we're done with our work and all squared away with Peace Corps stuff we can leave (with permission of course) up to a month early, which is today.  I know that 3 out of 4 of the volunteers still in B that were with me in Varshets left/are leaving today or tomorrow.  Our pst in Varshets was hard and the 6 of us (one went home already) survived!  I made some friends that I will have for life and even have a potential illustrator for my children's books (if that goes anywhere.  That's also something I have to look into when I get back to the States!)  Our ages (in May 2010)  ranged from 24 (or 23?) year old Sean from California to 68 year old Naomi from Texas.  Naomi was quite the inspiration.  Not sure why but she lived in the house farthest away (by quite a bit) from the training center where we studied (our home base) in Varshets.   She enjoyed telling us stories of her being part of crews on sailing ships.  I remember her telling us that during pst (Varshets) she and her family spoke in Italian a lot because they both knew Italian and B wasn't coming to her as quickly as some of our pst mates...and I was right there with her-except for the Italian part!  After the first couple weeks in Varshets our language class split (it just kind of happened) into 2 groups, the persons who were picking up the language fairly quickly and could speak well, and Naomi, Marisa, and myself who were coming along at a slower pace.   Naomi and I decided one day to practice what we had learned in class, how to order a meal.  We went to this little kafe; we were so nervous!  When the menus came we saw that there were pictures as well as the B description of the dishes and we were very happy.  We ordered (by pointing to the pictures and using very minimal B) and our meals came.  After a few seconds we both looked at each other and said "I don't think this is what I wanted."  THen one of our sitemates came in with the better B and ordered a beer and started chatting with the waitress and Naomi and I just looked at each other and sighed.  When we became volunteers and left for our individaul sites on the 23rd of July 2010, I cried as I watched their train leave.  It felt like one chapter of my life was ending; I guess it was.  The 6 of us literally did just about everything together for those 11 weeks and were so ready to NOT see each other everyday!  I'm of course speaking for myself but I think that was the general consensus of the rest as well.  So to all the volunteers leaving today or tomorrow I want to thank you for serving with me.  I of course knew some better than others; with a group of 87 it's hard to know everyone well.  Our group had a lot of volunteers from California.  Service to others, as well as learning from others, is important.  Thank you for beiing willing, and having the courage, to see outside of yourselves and comit to anothr country for almost 2 1/2 years!  Have safe travels and всичко хубаво!  (God) bless you!  Love and hugs from me!

I need a car???

I will leave B, with my mother in tow, July 29th.  Because of this and the fact that this has been my home for 2+ years I'm sure I will be experiencing many emotions and will be missing quie a bit of B when I get back to the states.  One of the things I will really miss when I return to the states is the fact that I can't walk everywhere.  I realize this seems trivial and it is in relation to the other things I will miss, but it's very true!  I can walk from one end of town to the other in probably about 20 minutes and everything I need (the basic necessities) is in there somewhere.  Where I live in the states I can walk to the nearest 7-11 but it would take me much longer than 20 minutes and is a lot more expensive than a regular store for food; Kroger for instance.  And if I want to go into a bigger town or city I jump on a bus or call Tzetzo the taxi driver.  Of course he comes from the next town over because we don't have one but that's ok.  Yes it's true that I have to coordinate with the bus schedule when I want to ride but I don't mind that either; I have gotten to know the bus drivers (like I said, I stand out from the "normal" B. person) and chat with them.  Every morning, or at least the mornings I go in to school, I walk to the English school and home when I leave for the day.  If I need to see Nargis about something, I walk to her house.  When I'm getting low on food in the house I walk to the magazine (store); and now all I have to do is walk outside my building and there is one right there, at the bottom of my building!  Of course I try to shop at all the closer food magazines.  And walking is exercise!  I don't speed walk or anything but it is a way to exercise that I don't get when I drive.  I'm not sure what to think when I get behind the wheel for the first time after 27 months of no driving.  I would like to say it'll come back to me but, since this is the first time I've gone 27 months without driving besides when I first learned how, I don't have anything with which to compare.  Along with not being able to walk everywhere, I will miss seeing non-motorized vehicles on the road; donkey/horse carts.  Tomorrow is the special English test for the 8th graders at special English schools; not exactly sure about other special schools.  I wish them luck!  Love and hugs from me!

recap

Sorry you all but this has to be a quick one!  First let me thank you for the birthday wishes! I spent the evening with a young lady from the English school and her family.  The next day, Saturday, I left here on a 7:30 im the morning microbus (the driver remembered my name from more than 1 year ago and I hadn't seen him until this past Saturday morning) that couldn't fit everyone.  The driver had to shuttle back and forth to a bigger bus to finally accomodate everyone.  Another "only in Bulgaria" comment.  You do realize that when I say that I don't mean anything negative towards B!  There have been several of those "only in B' comments come out of my mouth since I've been here.  I can't really explain what I mean when I say that; the closest would be to say things are seen and handled differently here than in the States.  So after that I got on a train that would take me to see my good friend Jez, leave her place for my medical and other appointments in Sofia, and head back to her place after the appointments, only to jump on another train the next morning to head home (B home).  I'm realizing that all the preparations I have done to end service up until now seem small.  Lots to do in terms of physical preparations.  Then there's the July 4th celebration we're supposed to be having in 2 weeks that needs to be planned.  Love and hugs from me!

Not quite a diva

What a difference 2 years makes!  I remember when I first got here I didn't know up from down...or горе от долу (yes I'm showing off a little)!  Gradually I became a member of this community and started teaching 2, this year 3, times a week in the Kindergarten.  I always started with a new class with introductions, of course, knowing full well there was no way I was going to remember all those names.  Back in the states I knew every child's name at my old place of employment; names like Nicholas or Lauren or Hailey or James I can remember.  HOWEVER, names like Sergin and Mart and Berfin and Emer I'm not so good with in the memory department.  They are beautiful names and I hate messing them up, forgetting, or worst or all, misspronouncing them but my mind isn't wired for B names; when I only saw them once a week it was harder to remember.  No matter how many times I repeated my name, their teachers repeated my name, or their parents repeated my name, my name sometimes was (still is- I just heard it yesterday:)) "Angleiski" which means "English."  Regardless of that fact (and I so don't mind; I consider it like a pet name.  Who else really could they be talking about?) my name is  known by many a youngster here.  I'll never forget one of the first times, if not the first, I heard my name being called by a child as I was walking past the Kindergarten.  Little Tolga was being picked up by his father (who I see all the time; he collects the water bill money and hooked up my washing machine) and Tolga just happened to see me walking by and screamed "LISA!  I looked all around and then finally saw him running towards me at full speed.  I had no time to think about the cuteness of this, I had to prepare my arms (and self) to be jumped into by a 6 year old running at full speed!  I turned towards him, put down my bag, and braced myself for impact; feet firmly planted on the ground.  I WAS READY!!  To let everyone in (or at least those who don't know me very well) on a fact about me: I LOVE HUGS, especially from children! So here I am ready to have Tolga jump into my arms...and he stopped about 3 feet in front of me and all I thought to do was go up to him and rub him on the top of his head.   Why did I tell you this??  You know how everyone talks about "15 seconds of fame"?  I've had 2 years of fame.  Peace Corps staff told us that one of the things we will have to get used to  when we leave here is not being a rock star.  This is not meant to boast or say volunteers are more important than just people, because we're not.  What this means is that around towns and small villages and cities, probably less in big cities, we're known;  I'M known; like I said before-I kinda stick out.  Because of that I hear my name a lot walking down the street or wherever, kida saying hi.  THIS I will miss when I leave here!  I will not be blogging next Tuesday; I have a medical appointment in Sofia.  Nothing important, just PC making sure I'm healthy enought to leave the country.  That and some other "closing service" stuff.  I'll be back next Thursday.  I want to thank you all for the birthday wishes, cards, poems, and little hershey's.  Nothing spectacular this year; one tattoo's enough.  Love and hugs from me!

what I will miss.

So I was thinking last night about how today was blog day and I was trying to think about what to write.  I think I decided something as the 10:00 evening  call to prayer sounded; I'm done with the new and different things that I've written about before.  I'm leaving the country I have called home for the past 27 (25 as of now) months in July; now's about thoughts and feelings; saying goodbye stuff.  There are so many reasons why I love this country and the same number and more things (and people)  I will miss about this country when I leave.  Last night reminded me of one; granted it's not a deep and sappy thing but something I will have to remind myself over and over won't happen, at least around where I live in Indianapolis, when I return to the States.  The Call to Prayer.   I live in a Muslim community; the Jimea is on the corner (that seems funny to say.)  Five times a day I hear it.  It took ome getting used to when I first got here in July 2010, but now I don't think twice about "what is that" or "man that's loud!"  It's a fact I have come to live with and have visited several times.  I have experienced the reading of The Koran and seen "na mass" (the ritual of the praying) being observed and even was given some prayer beads.  I will never forget the first, I think it was the first, time I went.  Nargis was with me, I use her for her Turkish-just kidding, and I noticed Samet, the Imam, leaning very, very close to The Koran while reading.  I said something to N about this and asked about glasses and his sight.  There are many things she has said that I won't forget but this struck me and made me think "Lisa, DUH!  What were you thinking?"  She looked at me and without even stopping to think said "he doesn't need to see; God/Allah (and the words) is in here" and she tapped her heart.  You know when you say something and someone answers you and you want to come back but are left with no words, you are speechless?  It was one of those times.  Anyway, along with the call to prayer I also get the "dog call to prayer."  All the dogs start howling and singing along with the announcement of na mass.  It's kinda funny!  That is something too I have just learned to deal with and accept as part of life here.  When I leave it will take some time getting used to the fact that that won't happen (again, in my part of the States).  Today is another warm one; yesterday I even felt some humidity!  It gets hot here but usually the humidity isn't bad so the heat is bearable (for me).  Today is my step-fathers birthday and I wish him a very happy birthday!!  He and my mom are traveling out West now in their conversion van and I think they are in Nevada today.  Wherever you are have a very good birthday and very safe travels!!  Love you!  Love and hugs from me!

feelings (wo,wo,wo feelings)

I don't really have anything that I can think of new and exciting to write about so I'll answer the question I have been getting in lots of letters from you all.  Quite often  I am asked about leaving here; how I feel and what I am going to do afterwards (more how I'm feeling than what I'm going to do).  Yes my leaving is going to be bittersweet.  I miss seeing my family and friends in the states...IN PERSON.  There are several new family members I have yet to meet; the first being born only a couple months after I arrived in B.  Included in there is my nephew  who turned 1 this past January.  Yes I do miss my family and can't wait to see my mom when she arrives in Bucharest so we can travel together!  BUT, that is my American family; I have a family, 2 actualy, here now too.  Whenever I travel my neighbors ask about me and want me to let them know where I will be and when I will be back.  There are ladies here, and men but mostly ladies, who tell me if someone they see me with isn't the best person for me to hang around.  People honk and wave at me walking down the street.  People give me food and help me imeasurably.  I have been given a home, 2 actually-well 3 counting pst, and am loved here, and I love people here as well.  All this is what families do!  People ask when I'm going to come back and my answer always is "I want to but next time I have to have enough money."  But the truth is I may never see some of my family here again and, I have to be honest I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about that fact.  I'm soooo incredibly glad my mom will be here with my when I actually leave for (I'm really hoping isn't) the last time; I don't know that I could do it by myself!  And it's not just me.  These thoughts have been echoed by many volunteers getting ready to leave what has been our home for 27 months, and longer for some volunteers!  This has been my (our) life (lives) for 27 months and that's not going to change when I (we) return to the States or wherever the next destination will be.  So whereas I'm so looking forward to seeing my family and friends in the States, leaving here won't be easy!  Today is overcast and the temperature is just about right, not too cold and not too hot.  I came very close to adopting a small dog last night but then I came to and realized that "I can't have a dog!  I'm leaving in a few months!"  She wandered into our section of the town and (I'm going to think this way because it makes me feel better) wouldn't have gotten back to her part of town by herself, so I helped her.  There was a moment there though where me keeping her seemed like the best option!  But all is well and she's back where she belongs!  Love and hugs from here!

right and wrong

I'm not sure if this has anything to do with anything but I've noticed something here that I don't think would not happen in the States.  Now let me qualify that and say I live in a town here with around 4200 people, much smaller than Indianapolis my hometown in the States.  So I'm generalizing here and comparing my experiences in Indianapolis to this small town (and yes, we ARE a town).  I've said before how during the winter the heat source is a wood stove, so it goes without saying that when the weather gets nice, it's time for more wood to restock the supply.  Since I don't use wood for heat I'm not really sure about the process of getting wood but I have seen it delivered to my neighbors in the form of long tree trunks; my heart kinda of skips a  beat when I see all those trees that have been cut but hey, you gotta stay warm somehow right?  Of course the big trunks have to be chopped into smaller trunks, usually there is a chainsaw or other electrical instrument used for this part, and then the smaller trunks have to be chopped into usable sized pieces of wood for the stove.  This is where the ax comes in and I must say, that's some HARD work!  I've never done it but watched from afar several times and it's a chore!  I would chop wood if needed but to tell the truth not too sure I want to try...given I'd have to use an ax and all and one of my fellow volunteers had an unfortunate accident during pst and I don't know that his big toe will ever be the same!  Anyway all this to say that sometimes this wood, cut or uncut, sits out front of the house for days waiting to be cut or waiting to be moved to a "wood for winter" storage shed. It goes untouched by others.  I left my gas can out front, actually no-it was in my garage but the door was open, of my house in Indianapolis once and in the span of a couple hours it was gone.  Someone stole it.  My point is I think there is more of a sense of right and wrong here.  Now of course this isn't always true, homework from some of the students comes to mind or should I say the lack thereof, but I think on a whole what is right and what is wrong is more prevalent here.  Again let me say my experience is a small town; this may be different in Sofia for example.  Now granted it might be kinda hard to steal 1/2 a tree but I'm sure it can be done.  I've been getting birthday cards/wishes for about the past 2-3 weeks and my birthday isn't until next month!  Thanks you guys!  It's been raining quite a bit here but so far for today, no rain!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed; we don't need anymore right now.  Things here are starting to wind down, with me as well.  I struggle between trying to get as much ready for when I leave now and keeping my mind and focus on here and my job.  Right now I have to say I'm not doing a very good job of "staying here" with my focus.  I can't believe I only have 2 more months.  The middle of June I go to Sofia for my first medical appointments and exit interview with the Country Director.  After that I can imagine everything will be a whirlwind and it will seem like no time has passed until I'm back in Sofia for my final medical clearance and wrap-up a short time before I'm scheduled to be done.   That's enough for today as it's getting time for me to go have lunch and see Nargis who just arrived from Albena, the graduation trip.  Love and hugs from me and thanks again so much for the birthday wishes and cards!  Not quite sure how I'll celebrate this one but I'll come up with something!  I'm open to ideas!

"sama li ci?" (are you alone?)

I was going to look to see if I wrote a blog about alphabet day or not but forgot and am a little into what I decided to blog about today so will go ahead with that.  You all are aware of the "expectation" of marriage.  When in your 20s, definitely 30s and 40s, there's just kind of this assumption that a person is either attached to a significant other or married.  Now I have to say that my family is very good about this; they all want me to be happy but pretty much leave me alone about the whole dating/marriage thing.  That however doesn't mean they haven't tried and dropped little hints to get me involved with someone.  But I do appreciate the lack of pressure put on me by my family in this area of my life.  HOWEVER...I'm "not in Kansas anymore."  The question I get BY FAR the most here is if I have a boyfriend; actually first people ask if I'm married and then move on to the other question.  When I say "no" they reply "why not?"  When I say that I have other work to do and haven't found the right man, their reply is something along the lines of "no seriously, why not?  You HAVE to get married!"  When I say "have to" I mean it; it's almost like it's not a question of "if" it's a question of "when."  To illustrate my point a few months ago I was in Sofia for an appointment.  The PC staff was unable to go with me so they called me a taxi and I went by myself which at this point didn't bother me since I've done Sofia by myself; I've conquered that Goliath.  When I was done and ready to head back to the office I again got in a taxi and struck up a conversation with the driver.  He asked about why I was here and all that and I asked him if he lived in Sofia and about his family and all the rest of the small talk I feel comfortable speaking in B.  He then asked me if I was married and my answer this time as well as all the other times is "no."  He replied "how can you not be?  You have to!"  I told him about my work and stuff like that (the actual reason) and again he said "you have to!  It's too hard without a husband!"  If I remember right this time I said "well, I'm alive!"  This conversation has happened MANY, MANY times over the last 2 years and this conversation in the taxi is one of many!  The baba I met on the train after Easter coming back here asked the same thing and when I told her she asked me why and said I had to be married.  One time about 1 year ago I was walking to my apartment with Nargis and we met one of my babas.  Since they both know Turkish I was left out of most of the conversation and just knew they were talking about me but hadn't a clue what they were saying.  Nargis told me later that she told my baba that I had a boyfriend in the military who couldnt come see me because of his job; Nargis said she was tired of people asking such personal questions of me and "she'll forget in a few days."   Well, she hasn't forotten.  I figured I'd go along with it for a bit and then tell her we broke up; I don't like lieing, even about something this trivial.  I told her we broke up and she asked me why and I said that I didn't love him.  Again...she asked me why.  I tried to tell the truth and she wasn't buying it so I had no choice but to play along.  My "boyfriend" has cheated on me and doesn't love me, yet stil, everytime I see my baba she asks me about him and tells me I "need to go there!"  At one of our conferences when all the YD volunteers were together, our program staff asked if any of us had done anything with gender empowerment/equality with young ladies.  Nobody said anything in terms of a project or work they had started on this topic, but something one of my non- 20something volunteer friends said stuck with me.  She said that although nobody had "officially" done anything on this topic, unofficially the older female volunteers serve as examples to girls/women, we are a kind of walking billboard for women empowerment so to speak.  Whereas the majority of the volunteers are in their 20s, we also have a couple women in their 30s and a couple in their 40s, my sitemate in Varshets who is 69, and a few married women whe are serving with their husbands who have more life experience than I do (I'm assuming).  She is right!  I know when I was young I always looked at my older neighbors who didn't have boyfriends.  I saw how their life didn't change because they didn't have boyfriends, how they just went on with their lives like "so what?"  I guess now I am that model for other young ladies.  I don't mind that people ask and I will answer with honesty and I kinda think it's funny now how not being married just isn't an option here.  I've joked about it with my female volunteer friends.    HAPPY BIRTHDAY C!  You have been wished life and good health...and one lady wished you to "listen."  I said I thought you did a pretty good job of that!  Love and hugs from me!  And no I can't say he died; that would open up a WHOLE OTHER can of worms; just ask my mom what they do here when someone dies.
BRING THIS ONE HOME FOR ME PACERS!!  LET'S TURN UP THE TEMPERATURE A
NOTCH ON THE HEAT, SHALL WE?

4aeg ima ball!

Tulay!

Tulay and I.  See!  I told you!

Tulay and her form teacher, Nargis.

Tulay and the Bulgarian teacher,
and my tutor, Tadsjenur.

Selime and I.

the proud graduates!

Last Friday our 2 senior young ladies graduated.  We had a ceremony at the school and they came DRESSED TO THE NINES!!  I told my niece (this one's for you M) that I would post the pictures.  Now as a lady who very rarely wears dresses, skirts for that matter too, TO CHURCH I stood in awe!   Not really in awe but...you'll see!  On Thursday they are heading on a graduation trip that is taken every year for the seniors and their "form" teacher, a little like a homeroom teacher.  Now me being the age I am (40 for those who don't know) and them being the ages they are (18 and beautiful young women to boot) I gave them my "stay with Nargis (form teacher)"  and "don't go anywhere with anyone you don't know" and, seperately to both of them, “watch out for (the other girl)!”  Funny how those things “just kinda happen” with age.  I also told them that I knew they didn’t want to hear what I had to say.  Tomorrow they take their English (one of the options for the 2nd part of the graduation test) exam and are nervous; Monday was Bulgarian.  Love and hugs from here and ENJOY!  Sorry you all have to strain your necks to view the pictures!

lesson learned/thoughts

Ok I have no real good excuse so I won't even try.  You know, I've learned several things since joining the PC.  One of them is, yes of course, that I can live in a foreign country for 27 months and not only survive but gain a couple pounds and become Intermediate High in that language (that would be higher but I've not been holding up my end of the bargain).  We volunteers all came here with our own agendas but the idea was to help in any way we could.  The Corps encouraged us to think about big projects-would they be right for our communities?  Sometimes that answer is an emphatic "yes" and sometimes it's a "no."  For example, will it (say a weight room-not meaning to pick on weight rooms I just couldn't think of anything else this second) still be taken care of years down the road or even after the volunteer leaves?  Again sometimes the answer is yes.  Varshets has a weight room developed by a volunteer (before our group); used regularly, even by our group when we were there, and is in good shape.  But the corps also stressed the importance of focusing on what the community needs/wants and "it's not about us!"  Sometimes those 2 ideas overlap; I know several volunteers who have done awesome things for their communities in terms of "big", funded  projects and again I say that's great.  But sometimes it's not about that or the capacity for sustaining something after the volunteer leaves isn't possible.  (In both of these senerios) The focus on THE PROCESS in which something is done, going through the "action plan" with others in the community, becomes the main focus.  I'm saying this wrong; sustainability is always in the forefront, just sometimes the process becomes more important than the end result.  That's something that I've learned to be more conscious of: do I want this because I want it OR do I want it because it is what my community wants?  Believe me sometimes things can spiral and ideas can get out of control so fast and things "just happen" it's hard to slow down and analyze the "why's."  I think this is important in all aspects of life, not just for Peace Corps volunteers.  It's important to know WHY we are doing something instead of just doing it.  Thinking of my family as many of them are up in Northern IN today, a kind off send off for my cousin who is leaving for Argentina next month for 10 months to do dental-service work.  Grandma and Grandpa would be proud S (of course so am I but it's the grandparents I'm focusing on here)!  Love and hugs from me!