"sama li ci?" (are you alone?)

I was going to look to see if I wrote a blog about alphabet day or not but forgot and am a little into what I decided to blog about today so will go ahead with that.  You all are aware of the "expectation" of marriage.  When in your 20s, definitely 30s and 40s, there's just kind of this assumption that a person is either attached to a significant other or married.  Now I have to say that my family is very good about this; they all want me to be happy but pretty much leave me alone about the whole dating/marriage thing.  That however doesn't mean they haven't tried and dropped little hints to get me involved with someone.  But I do appreciate the lack of pressure put on me by my family in this area of my life.  HOWEVER...I'm "not in Kansas anymore."  The question I get BY FAR the most here is if I have a boyfriend; actually first people ask if I'm married and then move on to the other question.  When I say "no" they reply "why not?"  When I say that I have other work to do and haven't found the right man, their reply is something along the lines of "no seriously, why not?  You HAVE to get married!"  When I say "have to" I mean it; it's almost like it's not a question of "if" it's a question of "when."  To illustrate my point a few months ago I was in Sofia for an appointment.  The PC staff was unable to go with me so they called me a taxi and I went by myself which at this point didn't bother me since I've done Sofia by myself; I've conquered that Goliath.  When I was done and ready to head back to the office I again got in a taxi and struck up a conversation with the driver.  He asked about why I was here and all that and I asked him if he lived in Sofia and about his family and all the rest of the small talk I feel comfortable speaking in B.  He then asked me if I was married and my answer this time as well as all the other times is "no."  He replied "how can you not be?  You have to!"  I told him about my work and stuff like that (the actual reason) and again he said "you have to!  It's too hard without a husband!"  If I remember right this time I said "well, I'm alive!"  This conversation has happened MANY, MANY times over the last 2 years and this conversation in the taxi is one of many!  The baba I met on the train after Easter coming back here asked the same thing and when I told her she asked me why and said I had to be married.  One time about 1 year ago I was walking to my apartment with Nargis and we met one of my babas.  Since they both know Turkish I was left out of most of the conversation and just knew they were talking about me but hadn't a clue what they were saying.  Nargis told me later that she told my baba that I had a boyfriend in the military who couldnt come see me because of his job; Nargis said she was tired of people asking such personal questions of me and "she'll forget in a few days."   Well, she hasn't forotten.  I figured I'd go along with it for a bit and then tell her we broke up; I don't like lieing, even about something this trivial.  I told her we broke up and she asked me why and I said that I didn't love him.  Again...she asked me why.  I tried to tell the truth and she wasn't buying it so I had no choice but to play along.  My "boyfriend" has cheated on me and doesn't love me, yet stil, everytime I see my baba she asks me about him and tells me I "need to go there!"  At one of our conferences when all the YD volunteers were together, our program staff asked if any of us had done anything with gender empowerment/equality with young ladies.  Nobody said anything in terms of a project or work they had started on this topic, but something one of my non- 20something volunteer friends said stuck with me.  She said that although nobody had "officially" done anything on this topic, unofficially the older female volunteers serve as examples to girls/women, we are a kind of walking billboard for women empowerment so to speak.  Whereas the majority of the volunteers are in their 20s, we also have a couple women in their 30s and a couple in their 40s, my sitemate in Varshets who is 69, and a few married women whe are serving with their husbands who have more life experience than I do (I'm assuming).  She is right!  I know when I was young I always looked at my older neighbors who didn't have boyfriends.  I saw how their life didn't change because they didn't have boyfriends, how they just went on with their lives like "so what?"  I guess now I am that model for other young ladies.  I don't mind that people ask and I will answer with honesty and I kinda think it's funny now how not being married just isn't an option here.  I've joked about it with my female volunteer friends.    HAPPY BIRTHDAY C!  You have been wished life and good health...and one lady wished you to "listen."  I said I thought you did a pretty good job of that!  Love and hugs from me!  And no I can't say he died; that would open up a WHOLE OTHER can of worms; just ask my mom what they do here when someone dies.
BRING THIS ONE HOME FOR ME PACERS!!  LET'S TURN UP THE TEMPERATURE A
NOTCH ON THE HEAT, SHALL WE?

4aeg ima ball!

Tulay!

Tulay and I.  See!  I told you!

Tulay and her form teacher, Nargis.

Tulay and the Bulgarian teacher,
and my tutor, Tadsjenur.

Selime and I.

the proud graduates!

Last Friday our 2 senior young ladies graduated.  We had a ceremony at the school and they came DRESSED TO THE NINES!!  I told my niece (this one's for you M) that I would post the pictures.  Now as a lady who very rarely wears dresses, skirts for that matter too, TO CHURCH I stood in awe!   Not really in awe but...you'll see!  On Thursday they are heading on a graduation trip that is taken every year for the seniors and their "form" teacher, a little like a homeroom teacher.  Now me being the age I am (40 for those who don't know) and them being the ages they are (18 and beautiful young women to boot) I gave them my "stay with Nargis (form teacher)"  and "don't go anywhere with anyone you don't know" and, seperately to both of them, “watch out for (the other girl)!”  Funny how those things “just kinda happen” with age.  I also told them that I knew they didn’t want to hear what I had to say.  Tomorrow they take their English (one of the options for the 2nd part of the graduation test) exam and are nervous; Monday was Bulgarian.  Love and hugs from here and ENJOY!  Sorry you all have to strain your necks to view the pictures!

lesson learned/thoughts

Ok I have no real good excuse so I won't even try.  You know, I've learned several things since joining the PC.  One of them is, yes of course, that I can live in a foreign country for 27 months and not only survive but gain a couple pounds and become Intermediate High in that language (that would be higher but I've not been holding up my end of the bargain).  We volunteers all came here with our own agendas but the idea was to help in any way we could.  The Corps encouraged us to think about big projects-would they be right for our communities?  Sometimes that answer is an emphatic "yes" and sometimes it's a "no."  For example, will it (say a weight room-not meaning to pick on weight rooms I just couldn't think of anything else this second) still be taken care of years down the road or even after the volunteer leaves?  Again sometimes the answer is yes.  Varshets has a weight room developed by a volunteer (before our group); used regularly, even by our group when we were there, and is in good shape.  But the corps also stressed the importance of focusing on what the community needs/wants and "it's not about us!"  Sometimes those 2 ideas overlap; I know several volunteers who have done awesome things for their communities in terms of "big", funded  projects and again I say that's great.  But sometimes it's not about that or the capacity for sustaining something after the volunteer leaves isn't possible.  (In both of these senerios) The focus on THE PROCESS in which something is done, going through the "action plan" with others in the community, becomes the main focus.  I'm saying this wrong; sustainability is always in the forefront, just sometimes the process becomes more important than the end result.  That's something that I've learned to be more conscious of: do I want this because I want it OR do I want it because it is what my community wants?  Believe me sometimes things can spiral and ideas can get out of control so fast and things "just happen" it's hard to slow down and analyze the "why's."  I think this is important in all aspects of life, not just for Peace Corps volunteers.  It's important to know WHY we are doing something instead of just doing it.  Thinking of my family as many of them are up in Northern IN today, a kind off send off for my cousin who is leaving for Argentina next month for 10 months to do dental-service work.  Grandma and Grandpa would be proud S (of course so am I but it's the grandparents I'm focusing on here)!  Love and hugs from me!

spelling bee/May 1 pics

Nebahat, her teacher, and Abi at
the spelling bee in Razgrad.

all the students who made it to
the regional bee in Razgrad.

the judges, Brittany and Drew.

Diana from Vetovo, one of the
students I "helped." (not really)

Abi from Sevar, another student
I "helped." (not really)

Britt and Drew in action!

Diana and her teacher Ivelina
with her certificate of participation!

May 1 in the park.  Look at our
spread!

Aysun, an 8th grader, on the homemade
swing.

Guhai and Alea tending to
the fire.  Nice job guys!!

Levie, our Geography teacher. 

I think somehow my camera missed
Elis, our Math teacher, somehow...
UNTIL NOW!!


Love and hugs from me!

May 1, 2012

I just found a comment I didn't know I had for someone I don't know.  It was about my blog about traveling and navigating Sofia by myself.  I was searching for a blog about May 1 and found that comment; almost a year later!  If whoever wrote that comment is still reading my blogs-I'm glad I could help and I hope everything worked out for you!  Well I guess I did write a blog about May 1, but will do another one.  May 1 is the B Labor Day and most things are closed.   Several of the teachers from the English school, some students, and I went to the park and had a picnic and relaxed.   We had salad, potato salad, bread, kebabche's (like beef hotdogs), fish, bread, coffee and soft drinks, and lots of sweets!  Some of the students went on a walk and I went along with them.  Since I didn't know I'd be walking around much I wore flip-flops and no socks (but walking with the girls was more important than me not having socks (i.e. getting a tick)!  Well one of the girls was so concerned I was without socks (I told her I didn't care but that didn't matter) that she gave me hers!  I said "I'm not going to take your socks from you, you need them!"   She leaned up against a tree and pulled off a pair of hers; she was wearing two because she didn't want ticks!  For those of you who have foot issues or sharing more personal things issues you may not share my thoughts but I thought that was very sweet!  I had fun but again left early (we set out at 10 am.and I left at 5); even though it was a non-work day I still had work to get done, more specifically my B homework!  As I was walking home I HEARD SOMEONE scream my name (sorry for the caps, the computer decided this for me!) from a campsite and so went over and talked to them for awhile.  They were some of the students from Hristo Botev school here and i go to their classes most fridays.  that was fun; i always enjoy meeting new people!  IT'S kinda funny how that compares to my life in the states.  not that i don't enjoy meeting new people but i am more quiet and reserved in the states when it comes to meeting different people.  that's different here.  maybe it's because here i feel like i have nothing to prove and people are impressed that i speak B.  maybe it's because i have just realized i'm not good at small talk here so i don't even try and just let them ask the questions.  who knows??!!  well the pacers wrapped up the first round and now are on to miami!!  by my next blog we'll all know how the first game turned out!!  go pacers, have a very happy birthday ronni (it was exactly 2 years ago I left on her birthday), and love and hugs from here!