moving forward "malko po malko"!

i think i met a baba in my building who speaks B!  maybe.  this am we, Nargis, Gospodin Yakob, and myself, found a B. tutor to continue my studies.  1 hr mon, wed, and fri.  that's a far cry from the 4 hours a day in Varshetts.  i did start speaking to Nargis mostly in B though so that will help lots!  it's nice to know though that I can fall back on English if something important needs to be decided and understanding is paramount!  i'm learning, or at least writing down, new words each day.  this am with G.Y. we were making a schedule for the next weeks because he's going on vacation and i have to say i felt kinda uncomfortable planning for more than next week!   i have yet to prepare my mind and papers as i have my apt!  although Nargis assured me if i run across something i need to do we can make changes in the schedule.   right now as i'm writing on my blog there are people outside on the main street acting like irl drivers.  they're going to kill someone someday!  i think i'm going to continue doing my blog over the noon hour since everything closes down anyway.  stores here close at about 12:30-1 and don't open again until about 3 or 4.  lunch break!  i can really see feeling like i'm not "doing" anything because after 12/1 everything is done!  of course i'm not done.  that's when i need to go na-ghosti and just go sit and drink tea, middle of the day probably kola, and figure out what i'm doing here!  lots to do! oh yeah!  the day before I left V i had lunch with a friend, the volunteer i met in the indy airport before coming to B, and she asked me if I liked to run.  long story short she told me there's a marathon in Turkey next Oct and had lots to see on the route and also would be an excuse for us to see each other.  she told me the deadline for registration isn't until next july so i have plenty of time to train!  can you believe that!  i don't know if this is stupid but i'm actually thinking about it.   don't run in indy but come over to B and run a marathon!  we'll see!  have a great weekend!  it's going to be pretty hot this next several days!  33% C. which is in the 90%'s F.  remember when it rained everyday when i was in V?  i don't think it has rained since i've been here!  maybe a little but certainly not a downpour like was normal in V.

turns out the walk was getting into the car and going to their garden to punny how that works. ick their vegetables

I went for the first time, not counting Nargis and her family,na ghosti, visiting neighbors, last evening and ended up with a watermelon, a melon, several peppers, and a small cucumber!  I went to my neighbors doors on my floor but no one was home so I went upstairs.  i was going to return a plate that Nargis gave me some fish on but saw a little Turkish baba in the hall and said hello.  she didn't understand and went to get her daughter who spoke B and then she took my arm and i was inside having a Turkish treat and soda just like that!  she asked me if i wanted to go on a walk for maybe 30 minutes and since I'm new here i figured i might as well (i really don't know how i could have said no anyway!)  turns out going on a walk was getting into the car and driving to their garden and helping them pick their vegetables which was just fine by me!  and you wouldn't believe the things these "old" women do!  she had a sack full of vegetables and when it was time to go slung that thing over her shoulder like Santa and his presents and trudged all the way to the car!  when i offered to help her carry that big sack she only turned and started walking.  here i was with 2 tomatoes and maybe a small melon and the 2 ladies older than i had their hands full but would not let me help and more!  then gave me tea and more treats at their home and gave me a bag on vegetables and a bag of fruit when i left!  i have figured out that most of the babas in my building only speak Turkish.  can you believe it when i say i'm acually more comfortable with B?   s funny how that works.  tom the wife of the head of the Muslims in B is coming to see me.  Don't I feel special!!  'I'm going to give her my Indiana pendant; that's about the only thing I have of the States left.  as for what i'm doing i'm kinda in limbo right now.  i'm between my residential status bieng ok'ed and actually applying for my Lichna Carta which is the legal document i have to have to be here.  kinda like the drivers license.  oh I almost forgot the most ironic thing of all!  how ironic is it that i come to B and at least 2 times a day see big farm equipment driving down the street!  i had to laugh when i saw a piece of equipment with JOHN DEERE down the side of it!  i got some more things to make me feel more at home today.  the call to prayer was about 2 min's ago and i can ell you right now that's something i'm definitely going to miss after i leave!  well it's getting late and i have a big day ahead of me tom!  Do Utre!  lisa

a new routine

i' have to go to work in a few minutes but i find it interesting and had to share with you all!  This morning while eating bfast and getting ready i turned the tv on to the same B channel my family and i have been watching every morning during bfast since mid may EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE SAYING!!  routine is a funny thing!

making friends

so Nargis showed up at my door tonight while I had potatos on my hotplate and said "you are cooking?"  she reminded me of my mom or any of my friends at the Fieldhouse who never see me do anything but open a frozen dinner and stick it in the microwave!  i went out and got more things to make my house mine.  I got some big mugs for my tea in the morning now all i have to do is remember to get tea!  as we speak i'm listening to the Call to Prayer over the loudspeaker coming from the Mosque a few houses away.  i just realized what time it is and have to get up early to go to Pyce tom to start my lichna karta process.   i am going to meet up with Dani and Krisi tom since they're still in Pyce and that will be nice.  I've met several people in my town but don't remember anyone's name.  the ladies that live next to me are cute little Turkish baba's and I can't wait to go ha ghosti, visiting, with them!  this am when N and I were leaving we ran into a neighbor and N was telling her about me and she asked N to ask me to speak to her in Bulg so her Bulg can get better.  me help someone with their Bulgarian??  English ok but BULGARIAN??  I'm intermediate low!  when i say my certificate from the pc and it said i was intermediate low, the level we have to be at to move on, i kept telling everybody i have never been so happy to be below average in my life!!  i know below average isn't a good way to look at it but it just sounds funny.  i'll try to write more tom!  I'm becoming more and more comfortable in my new apt. and with some decorations thanks to Maya and Charlotte i'll feel even more at home!!  do utre!  lisa

a new "home"

my apt is starting to feel a little more like mine!  today I went to Pyce with Nargis and Mr. Yakob, my counterpart and the director of the English School, to get some things cleared up about my residential status and while there got some needed items for my apt.  i got some towels for the bathroom, hangers for my clothes, and other things i can't remember now.  towels and hangers may not seem like much but any little thing i get makes the apt a little more mine.  that and now my shirts are not laying over my table any more!  after we got back Nargis took me to a shop to get some more items on my list.  i now have an iron and a toaster, a mop,flip flops and slippers for the apt and some cleaning supplies (mom you would be SO proud of me!).  of course i still need little things and when i get my fridge that will help things a little more.  peaking of that, a lot of people over here don't have a fridge.  ok so i guess i can't say a lot but Nargis doesn't.  you shop for the meal.  anyway let me describe my new home.  i don't have a tape measure or way to get an accurate "size" so everything is measured by my feet.  i'm 5 ft. 4 in's tall.  i have a main room that is 18 ft wide by 22.5 ft. long.  in the main room i have a twin size bed in one corner, a desk in the other, a couch in the other, and a table in the other complete with a microwave that functions like a small oven I think and a hot plate.  i have a tv, i found the english channels and found er and csi on tv one time but it's really not the same in B, on the wall beside my bed and a small dining room table in front of the couch.  i also have a small entry, 8 ft long by 9 ft. wide, where i get ready in the am.  off the entry i have a bathroom complete with a toilet and shower that is 7 ft wide by 8 ft long.  now when i say i have a shower i mean i have a handheld and a drain in the floor.  i do have an attachment on the wall for the handheld which is nice.  and when i say i have a drain in the floor i mean that most everything in the bathroom gets wet when i take a shower.  it's small but that just makes it better during winter since heating is a problem (no central heating).  i still have things to put away yet to unclutter the place but it's becoming more "homey."  one of the first things i did was set up my "back home" section right by my bed.  oh yeah, i have a balcony which will come in really handy for drying my clothes!  my front door and balcony are enclosed with iron bars and makes me feel a little like I'm in prison!  but on the bright side i can leave my windows open at night a know no one can get in. i really have to wonder what the other people who live here think seeing my iron bars and all.   i had a baba ring my doorbell the other night and, it was kinda late-i wouldn't have opened the door in the States, and opened the door even thought i didn't recognize the voice outside b/c with that iron gate, who can get in??  i just thought about taking some pictures and think i'll try to do that.  love you all!  working on my address!

my new home

 have seen moreim sitting here in my cluttered 1 room apt, with an inside toilet and sink all in one room, doing my first blog entry from my new home.  i should be uncluttering my room but figure i have things i have noticed and wanted to share them with you.  right now my brain is just as cluttered as my room, maybe even more so!  i've got lists for my lists!  a couple things i noticed while traveling by bus to G yest from Pyce and i thought i'd share.  i am so thankful for my Americal music!  as elton john's song I'm Still Standing came on my ipod yest and the line "...feeling like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid..." was playing i was craning my neck like a little kid does when there's something to see and he can't quite see.  i've seen it before when i traveled to G before but no mater how many times i see rolling hills like this it's always new.  just a few seconds ago i heard the sound of horse hooves on the road right outside my apt and sure enough, there was a horse pulling a little "wagon?" with about 4-5 people riding.  where is that an everyday occurance?  which leads me into another thing i couldn't help but think yest.  how lucky i am.  i truely am living things dreams and movies are made of!  imagine the end of a movie and a car is driving down a long windy road surrounded by green grass and fields on either side.  ok, so i was on a bus.  just the bus and that's it, riding off into the sunset except for it's in the middle of the day and there's no sunset yet.  THAT was me yest!  yest i was sitting in a kafe in Pyce drinking coffee, you heard right, with 2 B friends who were total strangers 2.5 months ago.  this really is a dream and am so incrediably grateful i'm living it!  something else that has been on my mind since i've been here and just haven't shared yet is that in the U.S. 3/4, and maybe more hold the...probably more, of these people would be living in poverty.  but that's not an issue here, just a way of life.  ihave seen more good ideas for how to use old tires over here that i could have ever thought of! there is no attitude of feel sorry for me or i can't because i don't have money.  necessity really is the mother of invention!  while I'm on the subject of poverty, being over here and seeing the kindergarten in the Roma community who can't afford slippers for their kids to wear at school or the tires on top of roofs to hold them in place or the kids that have so much fun riding down the middle of theam looking forward to the next 2 yrs  street on a bicycle, it's been a long while since i've seen someone have so much fun on a bicycle, really does put things in perspective.  1/1000th of Lebron's salary could feed an entire Roma community for a LONG time.  and the same could be said for reggie wayne, i don't want you to think i'm just picking on lebron.  and all the kids i hear argue about not having the right color marker or the shirt they don't want to wear, or my personal favorite the wrong kind of underwear (in he States)?   OH MY GOSH!!  anyway i guess that's about it for my ranting.  i really am incrediable lucky to be living this life and experiencing all that i am. i'm looking forward to the next 2 yrs and am now going to go take a shower in a bathroom with a drain right in the floor and nothing to keep the water from going everywhere.  after that i'm going to try to make sense of this cluttered 1 room apt!  Love!

for my family

rthis will be my last blog from here; the place that has been my home since May 16th.   sophie said something to me the other day about how adaptability is a great skill to have and the more i think about it the more she's right.  i went through this in the Dominican Republic too.  basically you're depending on the goodness of people, trusting they will do the best for you because you don't know what's going on.  it's weird to think that these 4 people that have become my family were total strangers to me May 15th.  May 16th that changed.  they have done my laundry, yes i've helped, fed me GREAT meals, taken me different places to see things around B, given me a place to call my home, helped me with the language, and SOOO much more.  i really can't thank them enough!!  i've tried through words, deeds, and treats here and there.  but as i've said before "blagadoria" just doesn't cut it.  we got done with our program work about lunchtime and i called to see if my host parents wanted to go out for lunch and we went to the place they always go for lunch.  it's really weird to think i probably will not be there for lunch ever again.  i might but chances aren't too great.  and these people who have taken me in, i mean the town, i may never see again.  yes it's true i will hopefully come back in the next 2 yrs. but even if i do i won't have time to see everybody i run into on a daily basis.  but as of sat i'll have a new home and a new "family."  and this same trust i had to have in my family here i am putting in my counterpart.  and even the trainees who shared this time with me.  i want to take trips and see them but if i can't i won't see them for 2 yrs.  and toni our language trainer.  she as away from her family and had 6 new family members for the last 10 wks.  we're all so different with different personalities.   i can't say thank you enough to this town and especially my B family for everything the past months!  they have become a little part of me just like everyone in the States is a part of me.  together we will go on to G!!  (that was good if I do say so myself)  I LOVE YOU ALL!!!  

some thoughts

well i had my oral speaking test this am and i happen to think it didn't go very well but as toni pointed out it was just an exercise in speaking the language and to give us an idea where we are.  the tester i had visited us last week and helped us prepare so a lot of things i was prepared for and had gone over and over in my head and with my family and the other vol's she didn't ask me.  i think that was part of it maybe, to see how we think on our feet.  oh well it's over with and now i can concentrate on not getting sick!  my sister was sick yesterday and now dani is sick.  oopa!  that may be part of the reason i'm not at home right now!  i did go out and get some 7up for her.  i remember whenever i had stomach troubles mom would make me drink 7up to help my stomach.  i have been slowly trying to pack some things so I don't have lots to do last minute.  this am after our lang tests our testers left in the pc van and we emptied our classroom so that could be taken back to vratsa.  that was kinda weird to see.  our life for the past 2 months being packed up; just another sign we are leaving.  i'm sitting here fresh out of things to say.  it's overcast right now and it needs to rain, it hasn't very much for a couple days. kinda an interesting feeling sitting here knowing there's no more language to do.  i mean there's always language to do but in terms of homework nothing is pressing.  last night i checked on my buses and think i've got it.  it's not going to be possible for me to travel with the other trainee whose site is close to mine because she is closer than i am and is starting from a different point than i am.  i'll talk to you!

the week to end all weeks!

this is it guys!  i mean not for the blog but for the knowledge to seep into my head!  today was a little different and i liked it a little better...but unfortunately toni had to keep repeating the same lesson over and over again 6 times!  we all kinda voted to have an hour individual lesson with toni today instead of meeting as a group for 4 hours and then go upstairs in the school to study individually.  that was kinda nice and i got lots of individual practice in.  time here is growing short and i haven't really had much time to reflect on that i've been so busy with other things; namely survival!  my sister said something that got me thinking (she's a great person for me to get advice from) the other day that may be a weakness of mine starting out in G.  i get in my routines, those of yo who know me better know that i go home after work and plop down in front of the tv(in America) with my salad, watch my show and then go to bed and do it all over again the next day; i'm a creature of habit!, and stay there!  that's gonna be hard if i want any friends or a baba in G. to go na ghosti(visit) with during the cold winter months!  I'M IN BULGARIA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!    just like here I'm gonna have to MAKE myself!  only here is is a little easier, i have other Americans to do that with, to help me out.  there?  well i'll have my counterpart but she's got her own family.  this is my chance to reinvent myself!  no one there has seen me drink rakea so now i have the opportunity to not drink it if i want and i happen to think i'd like to start that.  no one knows i am a creature of habit and leaving my house after i'm home from work is hard and i usually don't do it.  i keep thinking about how attitude is everything in life and very little what happens to you.  for my younger readers you would think a 39 yr old would know that by now but i still forget that and get caught up in things that don't really have an outcome my the situation at that time.  just like that little tank engine, not thomas:), if you think you can, you can!  attitude is everything!  i'm really not sure why i started in on all that but it's good to hear regardless!  it's supposed to be in the 90's , i think.33 degrees C, all week which means it will be a scorcher on fri when we're in vratsa for swearing in!  i was going to wear a black dress but thought better of that and decided to go with one of the 2 skorts i brought along.  as i'm sitting here it's starting to rain and we need it!  at least i think it's rain.  i can't really see any evidence from where i m sitting and we get some mighty strong wind gusts here!  it is so funny!  all of a sudden and literally out of nowhere the wind kicks up and almost knocks you over!  well i think i'm going to close.  sorry this has been rambly.  i'm going to try to get a few more entries in but thurs we are in vratsa all day and fri is swearing in.  i'm coming back here fri pm but don't plan on a blog since i'll be leaving sat am!  thank you all for the positive energy!  love!

ONE WEEK LEFT

It doesn't seem real!  after all this we will be leaving our comfort zone,more or less, in one week!  the camp went pretty well; the kids enjoyed it.  we did end up having quite a turnout!  i'm not sure how many sandwiches we made, we even cut them in 1/2, and we went through them all!  we bobbed for apples and that was a big hit.  we got some tempra paint and a sheet and had the kids do their hands and put them on the sheet.  the idea was for them to have something they can remember from us after we leave and all scatter in different corners of B.  it really worked and turned out very nice!  it wasn't too hot and didn't rain either which was nice!  the next thing on our list is the lpi on tues!  here are some pictures from the camp. the first and biggest one, i left it that way on purpose, is in front of the building that was our home away from home away from home...the training center and where we spent about 6-7 hours a day during the week.  at the top on the right is an open window and that is our room.

Rocky

well well its crunch time!  things are coming to a close and there is so much to do its overwhelming when you don't take one task at  time which is a huge problem for me and a lot of other B26's.  B26 is my training group in bulgaria.  we've got 9 days with our families, a camp to put on on fri, t-you notes to write, language to study and learn, packing to do...  i can continue if you want me to!  the point is we are very busy and the Language Proficiency Interview is coming up tues.  so please at about , ok that's not possible because you'll be asleep at 2:30 am tues to think about me, end some thoughts and prayers my way on mon pm!  i know you do bcause i feel your thoughts, that's what has kept me sane!, and prayers and have gotten letters.  but KEEP THEM COMING PLEASE!!  we were in sofia yesterday for our interviews with the senior staff of the p.c.  just the normal "how has training been" and "any questions about policy" and "are you ready to make a 2 yr commitment" and things of that sort.  i have to say i'm not sure how much i'll feel led to visit sofia during the next 2 yrs.  it's pretty big and my comfort is not in big cities.  who knows?  it's almost time for class this pm for only 1 hr, of course after that there will be time on my own i will use to try to get things done.   know my past couple blogs haven't been that interesting and full of b. tidbits, and that will start again i promise, then on but like i said it's time for Rocky to emerge and somehow beat the pst giant (sorry for the lame comparison) o i've been creatively challenged the past weeks.  please pardon me.  my thoughts are with my family!  please have a toast/drink for me tonight is you read this before you get-together!  lisa

24/7

ok now i realize what pc, Peace Corps, means when they drill into us that we are working 24/7, both now and at our permanent sites.  i always understood the part about being a good representative of the corps and America and all that.  I understand about being on display and all and that's fine; we're Americans and we're going to be.  NOW i get everything else involved in that 24/7.  i have to say last night i went home pretty stressed about the language and thought "what i need to do is forget things for awhile and just go somewhere, get away.  well now i realize THAT'S what the corps was talking about!  we can't!  we can go have a beer and not do anything involving language books but we need to communicate to order.  not a break.  everything a person can do to take a break isn't really a break; we have to communicate with people, or are constantly thinking about what is coming next and how much we have to do!  i want to talk and enjoy people don't get me wrong and it's a central part of our success, but sometimes there comes a time when you want to get away and not have to deal with trying to speak for you own sanity.  i now realize how much harder this is going to be.  I'm up for the challenge and it helps me to think, and look at pictures, of the friends i have behind me every step of the way and to think about who i am doing this for; maya, charlotte, and my gparents.  i always kne living here was going to be hard but i guess i wasn't so much thinking about the non-break thing.  i had a good talk with my hose mother and wrote in my journal and that helped.  i also had a bit of a stomach ache last night and that contributed to my feeling of being overwhelmed.  i had a chat, in english so i could make sure we both understood, with my neighbor about something involving language and she told me i'm doing very well.  most people i talk to tell me to forget about the language, i will be understood.  sorry this blog entry is more of a downer.  as i was getting ready for class this morning i ran across the printout i have on attitude, i thought it might be useful; sure enough, by charles schultz i think.  attitude and how a person views the world is everything!!  the challenge for me, and anyone in a similiar situation, is how to proceed from here.  do you quit?  or do you push on and find other alternatives to handle things?  THIS defines who you are as a person!!  i 'm at a pothole in the road but want to keep driving!

our camp

i don't have much time before tutoring so this will be shorter.  not mmuch is going on.  we're trying to cram in as much additional help as we can in the last few days, no...WEEKS, BEFORE we're out in our own bubble.  it was pointed out that all of you might not know what pst is and i have to apologize, i thought i went over that but it may not have been here.  now that pst is almost over i'll explain.  pst is Pre-Service Training.  it's the time 4-6 trainees, not vol's yet, live with host families in a town while learning the language and culture.  the 1st 3 months is pst and there are many different sites groups of trainees live.  these are called satellites.  we are trainees until July 23rd when we will travel to vratsa and have a swearing in ceremony and become official volunteers.  our host families attend the ceremony with us and it's really a big event!  right now i'm not sure if we'll all come back here afterwards or go on to our perm sites.  we'll have to decide that later.  i titled this camp because that's what we are working on right now but i ran out of time so will talk about that later.  till then!  happy wedensday!  it's hump day!

hard to believe

itwe have so much to learn btwn now and then's hard to believe this pst time is almost over!  in 19 days, give or take a day, we will be gone from varshets and scattered all over the country. we have so much to learn btwn now and then it's overwhelming!  every other current volunteer I have talked to has made a special point to let us know that the 23rd we are in the hands of the coprs but the 24th...no more hand holding.  while it's true that they are aware of what we do and where we are and will not let anything happen to us the structured like of pst is over and it's just us.  no more waking up at 6:30 to have bfast with the fam and then go to b class.  it's up to us!  yes we'll have help from people in our new towns and counterparts and the different staff from the corps is a phone call/internet connection away but the daily schedule is up to us!  we'll have more of a structure when we become more familiar with what we will be doing for the next 2 yrs.  For most, but not all, of us that will probably start when school starts in sept.  i'm sitting here waiting for my tutoring session with the person who has been like a mother, basically, to me-our very nice and extremely helpful language trainer Toni.  oday is kinda a bla day.  my family arrived back from Turkey yesterday and got me a tshirt.  how nice!  let's see what else I can tell you of interest.  we had a 4th of July party yest with our families and that was fun.  while it took time away from learning I'm sure it was exactly what we needed!  there were some roma kids, 1 boy in particular, who was hanging around and we gave him some food and he stayed and played soccer and baseball with us.  he also showed us some of his skills on the drum...ok so it was the back of a guitar but some thing!  that was fun!  on the way home from the party I got my baba a little bracelet with "best friends" on it and wrote her a postcard for a t-you note.  i didn't have any stationary and figured she might like something, the only thing from America I have with me that's not in G, from America.  of course it was from Fl but what the hey!  she left today to go back to Pyce and I missed saying gbye.  she told me she was leaving after lunch today and I figured i'd see her at bfast this am but missed her.  when i went home for lunch she was gone and no one was home so i figured i missed her.  i think we did fine!  despite the major lang barrier we were able to understand each other!  i think that really impressed her and also that i knew some b.  this is kinda a boring entry but i can't think about anything else to write about.  if anyone of you that read my blog has any questions, little or big-even if they seem mundane, please ask me.  you can post a comment or use my email directly.   it's posted somewhere on my blog, i think, and if it's not I'm sure you know someone who will give it to you!!  thoughts go out to my family!!  WE ARE STEFFEN'S!!  HEAR US ROAR!!

typical day

i'm not sure if i've given you a typical day or not yet but here it is...maybe again.  i get up at 6:30 and take a shower and get ready for bfast at 7:50.  i have a glass of tea each morning just like in the states.  at about 8:25 i leave for the training center, it's only 2 minutes from my house, and language lessons start at 8:30 or around there.  the 6 of us study from the books, we have 3, with the help of our teacher Toni.  for these 3 months with us toni is away from her family and has to travel many hours to see them.  she lives here with us with her own host lady.  i think i remember going over this before so i'm going to stop but please someone let me know if i haven't.  i went searching the archives and didn't see anything but might have missed it.  we have homework on top of homework and it's one or those things where i'm just going to have to lock myself in my room and spend a whole weekend but that never seems to be possible!  i have to buy food, tomatoes and cucumbers, for a salad for our picnic on the 4th.  i'm already a day down.  not much new here to report.  the current volunteer who goes to my future sight 1 day a week called me today and gave me some tips and things he has picked up on and it was nice to talk to him about things.  that seems so far away from right now b/c of all that has to happen btwn now and then but in reality it's 3 wks away!  I'm going to wish everyone a happy 4th and go home before it decides to rain again.  we already have had a 2 hr rainfall earlier but i'm sure it's coming again!  have a couple drinks for me this wknd wherever you spend the holiday!

communism

I think i talked about communism a bit already but i learned more about it today and so i thought i'd share some insights.  some members of the pc staff who experienced life during communism spoke today at the HUB in vratsa.  to me it's so interesting to hear about their way of like during this time.   i now have a little more insight into why the young people were sitting around and just drinking coffee in G and didn't get their friends together to play some games or do something instead of being bored.  now i realize it's because they don't know how.  during communist times we were told things were very structured and you were taken care of.  you couldn't be an individual but you were taken care of.  so when "the fall" happened everyone went from being taken care of and "pampered", although I'm not sure if anyone would necessarily call it being pampered, to having to fend for themselves.  the reason the young women, h.s. age, don't organize something or do something about being bored is because they don't know how.  they don't know how b/c their parents didn't teach them b/c THEY don't know how.  today things became a little clearer to me and our role here.  in my social work classes at goshen we learned that when a person hits rock bottom is when change can occur and not before.  in no way do i want to say b has hit rock bottom but this is the "infancy" stage of post communism development and we(they) can accomplish so much!  just how we remember the exact place we were when the towers were hit or JFK was assassinated people here who are older remember where they were when "the fall" happened.  how interesting!  i as commenting to one of the pc staff/speakers today and she told me she remembers when, this is horrible but the leader at that time, announced he would resign his position.  WOW!  that same person told us all a story about how she went to church to celebrate Easter and after the service was taken with her friends to a place and held overnight by some top ranking, or maybe not top, communist officials just because she went to church.  i really enjoyed today...although it meant we had to travel again.  so we're done with our meeting and cultural presentation.  now our focus turns to the 4th.  i find it interesting that when you're away from home everything is heightened.  maybe i'm saying that wrong.  i just mean that i'm not an overly patriotic person but when I hear something about America or even celebrating the 4th my ears perk up and there will be more emphasis on the 4th by me.  that's not to say i'm not patriotic in the least!!  I love my country and am grateful for all the freedoms I'm afforded there and everyone who came before me who fought for my freedom.  i don't take that lightly!!  i have everything i have today b/c of sacrifices made for me by my ancestors.  i guess what i'm trying to say is that i don't know the constitution by heart, i don't have an American Flag with me, i don't know the Gettysburg address, and i usually don't do much for the 4th, maybe go have a cookout at my parents or a friends house but not a big fireworks show or anything like that.  but being away from America over the holidays, even the not heavily celebrated ones, are a bigger deal  me because it links me to my home.  yes it's true when i'm having lunch you'll be sleeping and when i'm having dinner, we were informed we WILL be having a gathering with our families on sun (we wanted to just weren't sure when we were going to have time to plan anything:), you'll be eating lunch, but we'll both be celebrating the same thing and that''s comforting.  i guess what it all boils down to is it's something i can take pride in even halfway across the world.  enough rambling and time to think about everything i didn't get done today!  mom, i got a letter from you today and love reading your letters!  of course i know your information is about 2 wks old but it's rainy here too.  it rains pretty much everyday and hard rain too!  happy 4th if i don't talk to you before!