Thursday, July 8, 2010
24/7
ok now i realize what pc, Peace Corps, means when they drill into us that we are working 24/7, both now and at our permanent sites. i always understood the part about being a good representative of the corps and America and all that. I understand about being on display and all and that's fine; we're Americans and we're going to be. NOW i get everything else involved in that 24/7. i have to say last night i went home pretty stressed about the language and thought "what i need to do is forget things for awhile and just go somewhere, get away. well now i realize THAT'S what the corps was talking about! we can't! we can go have a beer and not do anything involving language books but we need to communicate to order. not a break. everything a person can do to take a break isn't really a break; we have to communicate with people, or are constantly thinking about what is coming next and how much we have to do! i want to talk and enjoy people don't get me wrong and it's a central part of our success, but sometimes there comes a time when you want to get away and not have to deal with trying to speak for you own sanity. i now realize how much harder this is going to be. I'm up for the challenge and it helps me to think, and look at pictures, of the friends i have behind me every step of the way and to think about who i am doing this for; maya, charlotte, and my gparents. i always kne living here was going to be hard but i guess i wasn't so much thinking about the non-break thing. i had a good talk with my hose mother and wrote in my journal and that helped. i also had a bit of a stomach ache last night and that contributed to my feeling of being overwhelmed. i had a chat, in english so i could make sure we both understood, with my neighbor about something involving language and she told me i'm doing very well. most people i talk to tell me to forget about the language, i will be understood. sorry this blog entry is more of a downer. as i was getting ready for class this morning i ran across the printout i have on attitude, i thought it might be useful; sure enough, by charles schultz i think. attitude and how a person views the world is everything!! the challenge for me, and anyone in a similiar situation, is how to proceed from here. do you quit? or do you push on and find other alternatives to handle things? THIS defines who you are as a person!! i 'm at a pothole in the road but want to keep driving!
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When we look back at the challenges life has thrown at us, or those we just dove right into, we realize that they were the best opportunities to learn and grow,especially when we have made the choice to keep going rather than backing out......... A couple years from now, you will look back on your blog entry, and realized it was just a bump in the road, and be thankful for all the efforts you made to stay true to your commitment to the Peace Corps,but most importantly to yourself.
ReplyDeleteAnd really Liza, this would not be a good time to come back, the heat is killing all of us here :)
Sophie
Yes, Lisa being a Peace Corps volunteer is a 24/7 job. Not a job as we define it here in the US though. Speaking the language and being with other host country nationals is part of the 'job'. This is why it's important every once in a while to get together with another volunteer in your region and do something fun and know you don't have to be 'on' all the time. Always remember you are an American and not a Bulgarian. I think sometimes we can lose a sense of who we are when we are living in another culture. The next two years you will go through a time of self-discovery and learn some life lessons too. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the hardest parts about when you first move to a foreign country - when you want to take a break, but even taking a break requires you to use your brain. There will come a time very soon when this will change, as you become more fluid with the language.
ReplyDeleteTake some time alone - listen to your american music, read an american book - just zone out for a little while. I used to buy books in english at the bookstore and that was a nice break for me. Remember, this is just one stage of many in your stay in Bulgaria. You have to get through this stage to get to the next one. You can do it!
stephanie