integration-kinda

ok, i'm going to get this done early b/c #1. i can.  i have the next couple days "off" and #2 i have lots i want to get done today and don't want to have to do this later and #3 have an idea in my head and it can't wait to get out!  today's blog is about integration and a lesson i was taught and, i think, learned this past weekend.  and if there are any Bulgarians reading this if you're anything like Americans on this issue you'll just brush it off and say no big deal.  but to me it is a big deal and part of what i need to learn to live here.  a little history, sorry if you've heard this and get bored-you can skip this part.  part of the reason i joined the corps was to "help", that's not the word i want but i'm having trouble thinking of the right word at 9:30 in the am, the image of Americans, especially women in other parts of the world.  this goes back to when i was in the Dominican Republic and all women were "Marilyn Monroe" and when i walked down the street i was hissed at.  that i didn't like and wanted in my own little way to show that not all Americans are what you see on t.v.  flash forward to this past wknd.  integration to me is living in a cultrue, imursing yourself in that culture, and adapting aspects of that culture.  gosti is a aspect of this culture that i love.  visiting another person and drinking coffee until it gets cold is a great part of this culture.  just dropping by and having the host drop whatever they were doing to sit and chat is what it's all about!  because after all aren't people more important??  anyway, i'm here, integrated as well as i can be i think, and ready.  or so i thought.  as my parents will attest my place in the states wasn't always keep spick-n-span and i can say the same thing about my apt here.  i woke up this past weekend and was being lazy.  i watched a bit of english tv, i let myself on the wknds, and puttered around until 11 when i was ready to get ready for the day.  my apt was not ready for guests, my work things were scatered all over the couch and there was really only room for me to sit.  am i ready to have a gosti??? NO!  But what happened?  i had one, actually 2.  and was i ready-no!  here i am in B and all excited about gosti's, being one and having them.  and i was being a lazy American.  here i talk about integration but wasn't ready when a chance came my way!  and the thought of me being American and i can get by with not being ready?  i have to say that's one of the stereotypes i came here to rectify!  now i'm sure this whole thing doesn't sound like a big deal and in the grand sceme of things really isn't, but it's a big deal to me.  if i talk the talk, i'm working on it, i have to walk the walk.  so everytime i leave the apt i'm going to try to ask myself if i can host gosti's.  if the answer is no that means i have to work harder.  and to my friend Brad who was with me on skype last night helping me download software i should have had but lost, a huge thank you and i love you for it!!! love to all!