I was going to look to see if I wrote a blog about alphabet day or not but forgot and am a little into what I decided to blog about today so will go ahead with that. You all are aware of the "expectation" of marriage. When in your 20s, definitely 30s and 40s, there's just kind of this assumption that a person is either attached to a significant other or married. Now I have to say that my family is very good about this; they all want me to be happy but pretty much leave me alone about the whole dating/marriage thing. That however doesn't mean they haven't tried and dropped little hints to get me involved with someone. But I do appreciate the lack of pressure put on me by my family in this area of my life. HOWEVER...I'm "not in Kansas anymore." The question I get BY FAR the most here is if I have a boyfriend; actually first people ask if I'm married and then move on to the other question. When I say "no" they reply "why not?" When I say that I have other work to do and haven't found the right man, their reply is something along the lines of "no seriously, why not? You HAVE to get married!" When I say "have to" I mean it; it's almost like it's not a question of "if" it's a question of "when." To illustrate my point a few months ago I was in Sofia for an appointment. The PC staff was unable to go with me so they called me a taxi and I went by myself which at this point didn't bother me since I've done Sofia by myself; I've conquered that Goliath. When I was done and ready to head back to the office I again got in a taxi and struck up a conversation with the driver. He asked about why I was here and all that and I asked him if he lived in Sofia and about his family and all the rest of the small talk I feel comfortable speaking in B. He then asked me if I was married and my answer this time as well as all the other times is "no." He replied "how can you not be? You have to!" I told him about my work and stuff like that (the actual reason) and again he said "you have to! It's too hard without a husband!" If I remember right this time I said "well, I'm alive!" This conversation has happened MANY, MANY times over the last 2 years and this conversation in the taxi is one of many! The baba I met on the train after Easter coming back here asked the same thing and when I told her she asked me why and said I had to be married. One time about 1 year ago I was walking to my apartment with Nargis and we met one of my babas. Since they both know Turkish I was left out of most of the conversation and just knew they were talking about me but hadn't a clue what they were saying. Nargis told me later that she told my baba that I had a boyfriend in the military who couldnt come see me because of his job; Nargis said she was tired of people asking such personal questions of me and "she'll forget in a few days." Well, she hasn't forotten. I figured I'd go along with it for a bit and then tell her we broke up; I don't like lieing, even about something this trivial. I told her we broke up and she asked me why and I said that I didn't love him. Again...she asked me why. I tried to tell the truth and she wasn't buying it so I had no choice but to play along. My "boyfriend" has cheated on me and doesn't love me, yet stil, everytime I see my baba she asks me about him and tells me I "need to go there!" At one of our conferences when all the YD volunteers were together, our program staff asked if any of us had done anything with gender empowerment/equality with young ladies. Nobody said anything in terms of a project or work they had started on this topic, but something one of my non- 20something volunteer friends said stuck with me. She said that although nobody had "officially" done anything on this topic, unofficially the older female volunteers serve as examples to girls/women, we are a kind of walking billboard for women empowerment so to speak. Whereas the majority of the volunteers are in their 20s, we also have a couple women in their 30s and a couple in their 40s, my sitemate in Varshets who is 69, and a few married women whe are serving with their husbands who have more life experience than I do (I'm assuming). She is right! I know when I was young I always looked at my older neighbors who didn't have boyfriends. I saw how their life didn't change because they didn't have boyfriends, how they just went on with their lives like "so what?" I guess now I am that model for other young ladies. I don't mind that people ask and I will answer with honesty and I kinda think it's funny now how not being married just isn't an option here. I've joked about it with my female volunteer friends. HAPPY BIRTHDAY C! You have been wished life and good health...and one lady wished you to "listen." I said I thought you did a pretty good job of that! Love and hugs from me! And no I can't say he died; that would open up a WHOLE OTHER can of worms; just ask my mom what they do here when someone dies.
BRING THIS ONE HOME FOR ME PACERS!! LET'S TURN UP THE TEMPERATURE A
NOTCH ON THE HEAT, SHALL WE?
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