subtle selfishness

so i had a whole other opener typed up and lost it but it's not important so i'm not going to retype it. i've been kinda feeling like a bump on a log when it comes to anything as far as work goes, when things need to get done.  no one will let me help.  even with little piddly things i could do with no energy and with my eves closed, like carry a bag when hands are full, the people here are hesitant to let me help them.  with my work ethic being what it is this kinda irks me.  i had a conversation with Nargis about this and how i want to help and i want to do things and everyonee more i think about it the more this nugget  seems hesitant to let me.  so that's why i was all excited when Bisale, kinda comparable to a janitor/custodian of our schools. he works in the english school, said a bunch of the staff was going to the hostel, where the not from G kids stay during the week, to clean it and prepare it for the upcoming yr and i could help them at 8:30 this am as long as i wore old clothes.  i thought "this is my chance to show them i can do things!"  needless to say i had lots of time to think while cleaning , everyone was speaking in B or even Turkish and i understood only a small part of what was being said.  in thinking about how i want to do things, i want to help, and other things that I want to do i realized there are a lot of "I"s in there.  now yes i am here to learn and do everything i said.  however, while i was helping B move a heavier piece of furniture and assuring him that "i can help with this, i'm strong(he use the work strong not me) it occured to me that just b/c i can do something doesn't necesarily mean i should.   i have been focusing too much on what i'm not doing and need to readjust my focus to "how can i show them i can?"  that's where the selfishness comes into play.  i have been focusing on "me" and not on "us."  i'm going to live here for 2 yrs and in those 2 yrs i'll be able to show off my work ethic and the fact that i "can."  if the situation were reversed and a foreigner came to the states i'd probably do the same thing, do all the work for them, b/c i was raised to work and help.  maybe they were raised the same way and don't think about not letting me, but instead they just do b/c thats what they're used to.  what i need to do know is just relax, stop thinking about what i'm not doing  and start  focusing on how i can show them i can, be happy with what i can do, and do the little things i'm able to do "c oodolvostvea" (with pleasure)!  there's so much here that if i just took a step back and looked at it from the angle of what i would do if i were in their shoes i find i would end up doing exactly what they do!  the coprs prepared us very well for the aspect of being prepared to just relax and let things come to us and not be too eager to "make things happen" as far as doing projects is concerned.  the more i think about it the more this little nugget of information is useful in other areas of our lives too!  now a last closing remark.  mom if you're reading this as strange as it may seem i think the glass of vinegar water actually helps with the bites!  and it really doesn't taste too terribly bad as long as i have a FULL glass of water.